i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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