Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
