her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
