I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
