As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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