Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
