You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
