I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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