my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
