He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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