i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
