ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Your mouth is God's brothel.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize