Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
