do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
