I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
