Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
