South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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