I wanna bring you to show and tell
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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