it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
