I'm lost and stupid without you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
