worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
