I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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