Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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