Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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