I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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