he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
