No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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