The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
