I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
