we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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