I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
