Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
