Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
