I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize