fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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