Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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