I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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