On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
