u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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