I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
