I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize