OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
