Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
