DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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