His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
