Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
