You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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