Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
