he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
