so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
