you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
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