Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
