I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize