I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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