I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
