I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
