Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize