Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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