Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
