i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You are the jesus of drinking
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
