It's Friday. Sex?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
