Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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