My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
