he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
