I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
