Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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