chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
