So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
