I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
