I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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