It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
