The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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