The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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