nut hugger
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
