Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
