My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
