Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
